Undertow
by Hikari-and-Yami
Summary: He hides in the dark, and I go looking for him each time he loses himself. I take his hand and lead him back into the light where he belongs, but somehow he always finds his way back. -Puzzleshipping- Symphony Series: 2
1. Prologue

Hi all! And welcome to the second installment of the Symphony Series. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Undertow**

* * *

_All we got is one chance, and it's sink or swim._

He hides in the dark, and I go looking for him each time he loses himself.

I take his hand and lead him back into the light where he belongs, but somehow he always finds his way back.

* * *

----

* * *

I knew.

I took one look at him, and I knew.

But I have to ask him anyways.

To ensure what I already know is true.

"What's wrong?" I say.

He looks at me with the prettiest amethyst eyes I've ever seen.

If you look close enough, it appears as if someone dipped a paintbrush in a royal blue.

And then spun the tip around the lining of his irises.

They're one of the many reasons I fell in love with him all those years ago.

Love.

Sometimes I think that it's not a good enough word to describe how I feel.

I would die for him, of course.

But I would also chase him to the end of the world.

I would travel across the universe and bring him back whatever his heart desired.

I would change every part of me just to see him smile.

I'd live a life of misery, if it meant that he'd live a life of happiness.

But we've been best friends since we were three.

And the bond that we share is the entire world to me.

To be with him, even just as his friend, is the reason I breathe.

His existence, it's the reason my heart beats.

And if I were to admit how I truly feel about him and he turned away from me, I would die.

I guess I'm a coward.

But his rejection would destroy me, and I'm just not willing to risk it.

And besides...

He had a boyfriend.

"Is he hurting you again?" I ask him.

An abusive one.

"No," he replies.

He's lying.

And he knows that I know.

But he lies to me anyways.

And it hurts.

"Yuugi." He has such a pretty name. It's perfect for him. "Is he?"

He hesitates.

I can hear the gears in his mind at work.

Shifting through the lists of excuses.

Searching for one he can use.

But before he even opens his mouth, we both realize the same thing.

He's run out of excuses.

"We just got in a fight. I kind of deserved it, I guess. I should have kept my mouth shut."

I knew it had happened.

But hearing it from him sends a white-hot spark down my spine.

My face and hands and body feel like they're on fire.

And there's only one way to put it out.

"Yuugi," I say. "You can't go back to him anymore."

"Atem."

He's not looking at me.

"Don't worry so much."

Because he can't lie to my face.

"Everything's fine."

"You call this fine?" I pull his arm towards me and lift up his jacket sleeve.

I see the bruise I already knew was there.

And just like that, I feel like someone set me on fire again.

But this time, I can't control myself.

"Atem —"

"Where is he?"

"Stop, please."

"Don't." I lock my eyes with his, while at the same time trying not to lose myself in them. "Don't defend him."

I turn around towards the door, but Yuugi pulls at my arm and circles in front of me.

And then, his hand reaches up and touches my cheek.

"Até," he says, searching my eyes.

He calls me that when he wants to calm me down.

It usually works, too.

But not this time.

"Please. I'll take care of it, I promise." His gaze wanders towards the floor. "I'll leave him."

"Yeah." I say, unconvinced. "Right after I break his face."

"No, I don't want that!" He moves away from me. "Please, just —"

"What, Yuugi?" I pull him back to me by his wrists. "You promised me this wouldn't happen again!"

I don't want to yell at him.

But if I don't, I'm afraid my frustration will release itself another way.

And I will not cry in front of him.

"Stop, let me go." He tries to escape my grasp, but I refuse to let him go.

"Why do you keep going back to him, Yuugi?" I ask, and I don't even realize I'm shaking him. "You deserve so much better, can't you see that?"

If I was stronger, I would have said 'I can give you so much better. I can give you the world, if you just let me.'

But I didn't.

And I don't think I ever will.

"Please." He looks up at me, and his eyes begin to shine with a clear layer of tears. "Just let me take care of it, Atem."

I don't want him to cry.

I don't think I'd be able to handle it if he did.

He means the world to me, and the more I think about how much I love him, the more my anger begins to fade.

I look into his eyes.

He's the water to my fire.

He's the only person in my life, who can control me like this.

And so, I let him go.

"Yuugi... I just..." I sigh and look away, raking a hand through my hair. "I just don't want to see you hurt." I glance back to him. "I... I _can't_ see you hurt."

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, and I know he wants nothing more than to just disappear. "I'm so sorry."

Why is he apologizing for being abused?

"Stop, Yuugi." I look at him, and I can feel my entire body slacken. "Stop blaming yourself."

"But —"

"Shh." I reach out to him and pull him into my arms. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

I wish we didn't have to eat or sleep or work.

That way, I could stay like this forever.

Just holding him.

Breathing him in.

Loving him.

"I'd like that," he says with a deep sigh. "Thank you."

My arms tighten around him.

He shouldn't be thanking me.

I didn't do my job.

I didn't protect him.

I take a moment to digest this.

And, suddenly, I know how he feels.

I want to disappear, too.

"Don't thank me," I whisper in his ear.

After that, we're both silent because there's nothing else left to say.

* * *

Reviews are loved.


	2. Refuge

I know you all are kind of upset that I didn't continue from where I left in DITD, but Atem's character development in this series is essential and I think to see how things progressed from his point of view is important. I'm sorry if any of you disagree. I hope you all enjoy nonetheless!

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**Undertow**

* * *

_All we do is fall down even though we try to stay afloat._

When I first found out, I walked out of the house and promised to leave her for good.

A few hours later, after my blood cooled and heart rate calmed, I came back.

After all, she was all I'd ever known.

* * *

----

* * *

"Atem?"

I look up from my spot on the couch.

"I'm in here, Anzu," I call out to her.

I lean back against the cushions and close my eyes.

I listen to her soft footsteps, as she walks in the direction of my voice.

I can hear her pause in the threshold of the living room.

I can feel her watching me.

"Hey," she says quietly. "You okay?"

I open my eyes and look at her.

She has pale skin, dark hair, and blue eyes.

She's pretty and smart.

She loves me.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Or, at least, that's what she tells me.

"Are you sure?" she asks, taking a step into the room. "You look...sad."

"I'm fine," I assure her. "I was just thinking."

She nods slightly. "About?"

You.

Yuugi.

Me.

Us.

Him.

Everything.

"Nothing."

"Oh..." She hesitates. "Atem -- "

"I don't want to talk about it, Anzu."

"I can see that." She straightens her back and frowns. "It's been almost a year, Atem."

"And?"

"And," she says, "I feel like nothing's changed. Why can't we just move on?"

I don't remember when I stood up, but suddenly I'm next to her.

"I'm sorry," I tell her. "Of course, if you never cheated on my in the first place, then we'd be fine and you wouldn't be waiting for me to forgive you."

"It was one time, Atem," she says and, when she blinks, a few tears fall down her cheek. "It was a mistake."

"It was one hell of a mistake."

"God, Atem, you're so stubborn."

"But I'm faithful."

"I'm _trying_ to make this work," she says, holding her ground. "I love you, and I want to be with you. Why won't you just let us be happy?"

Because I want a reason to act like this.

I'm using you for your company, and love, and support.

And for that, I'm a horrible person.

But what you did to me, your betrayal, makes it easier on my conscience.

And I'll hold on to that for as long as I can.

"I just need time, Anzu..."

That's always my excuse.

A sigh escapes me.

I can't deal with this right now.

So, slowly, I walk around her and start to make my way out of the room.

Because I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I don't want to think about it.

I don't want to fight about it.

"I made a mistake, I understand that," she calls after me, and I pause in the hallway to listen. "But you need to realize that I'm not perfect, Atem. I'm not like Yuugi, so stop pretending that I am."

_You're right._

I grab my coat off the hook above my head and walk out the front door.

_You're not_.

But I'll come back.

_But I wish you were._

Because since I can never have Yuugi as my own, I'll have to settle for the next best thing.

_I wish you were him_.

And she knows this, too.

* * *

Reviews are loved.


	3. Guilt

Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

******Undertow**

* * *

_So why rock the boat and make waves, when everything's calm and okay?_

He runs so that he doesn't have to confront his problems.

But, sometimes, I feel can't help but feel that what he's really running away from is me.

* * *

----

* * *

He hasn't answered any of my calls.

Not one.

I've left him messages.

Tons of messages.

But still, he doesn't call me back.

He's avoiding me.

I can't stand it when he does that.

At the moment, I'm staring at his door.

I don't know what's about to happen.

I don't know what I'm going to find.

Did he get sick?

Is he okay?

Busy?

Hurt?

…Did it happen again?

At the last thought, I lift my hand to rap my knuckles against the door.

_Knock. _

Answer me.

_Knock._

Please.

_Knock._

I need to know that you're okay.

"Yuugi?"

He doesn't reply.

"Yuugi, I know you're in there."

I can hear him breathe in sharply.

"Open the door."

Another second.

"Now."

After a moment, I hear quiet movements.

"Coming," he calls to me.

My eyes instantly fall on his when the door opens.

"Hey," he says, quiet.

I can feel my heartstrings strum against my chest.

It happened.

I can tell by his voice, his eyes, his face.

I can always tell.

"Yuugi," I say anyways. "Where have you been? I've been calling all week."

"Oh, yeah. I've been busy. School and all. I'm sorry I haven't returned your calls."

He lies to me, even though we both already know the truth.

He lies to me for the same reason I stay with Anzu.

To protect ourselves.

"I see," I say.

I glance inside his apartment and then back down at him.

"Well. Aren't you going to let me in?"

His eyes widen.

He's thinking of an excuse.

"Oh, uh, I was just about to head to bed, actually."

And now he's stalling.

"Can we talk tomorrow?"

I glance down the hall of Yuugi's apartment building.

I shake my head.

I can't believe myself.

A bitter smile graces my lips.

I should have known this was going to happen.

And I think, somewhere deep inside of me, I did know.

And I let it happen again anyways.

I will never forgive myself for this.

"You didn't leave him."

I didn't question it.

Because I already knew.

"Atem," he sighs.

He can't even look me in the eye.

He never can when he lies.

"I've had a really long day," he continues. "Can this wait?"

"No, Yuugi," I tell him, narrowing my eyes. "It can't wait."

"Well, it's gonna have to."

He tries to close the door, but I wedge my foot inside before he can.

"Oh, hell no, do you think you're getting out of this conversation this time," I say.

I push against the door, and he moves away from me when I am completely inside.

"Atem, stop."

"No."

I reach out for him.

But he flees from my outstretched hands.

"You promised me, Yuugi," I say, standing in front of him.

My skin begins to burn.

My heart starts to race.

I feel like I'm on fire again.

"You promised me you'd leave him."

"Atem – "

"Goddamnit, Yuugi."

I make another grab for him.

And this time, I catch his wrist before he can get away from me.

I pull him towards me, as he struggles in my arms.

"Let me go, Atem."

"Not this time," I say.

I yank his sweater over his head.

Because I need to see the proof.

I need to.

But the moment the sweater's off, I wish I hadn't.

I can feel my eyes widen so much, they hurt.

His beautiful, porcelain skin is covered with black and blue bruises.

His arms, his chest, his stomach.

Everywhere.

"Happy now?" he says to me.

Then he starts to cry.

And suddenly, I want to cry, too.

"Oh, God, Yuugi."

I bring my hand forward.

I touch his cheek.

I trace his chin.

And then I make him look into my eyes.

"Why did you go back to him?" I whisper.

He pushes away from me.

And I want nothing more than to pull him back.

"Because I didn't have anywhere else to go!"

"You could have came to me!"

"No, I couldn't have," he says quietly. "You're too busy with your _girlfriend_."

I stop.

And so does he.

His voice…

He sounds…jealous.

And angry.

But why would he…?

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask him after another moment.

"I..."

That part of my mind that longs for Yuugi's acceptance holds its breath.

Tell me that you love me, Yuugi.

Tell me that you want me as much as I want you.

Tell me that you need me to be there for you.

Tell me that you want me to catch you, and I will.

Not as a friend.

But as a lover.

As a soulmate.

As your everything.

"I just miss you..." he begins to say, and I feel my heart deflate with every word. "I feel like I don't see you as much anymore."

At something in my face, he gazes at me with concern.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, breaking his eye-contact. "I thought you were going to say..."

I shake my head, and then look back at him.

I'm so _stupid_.

"Nevermind," I say, angry at myself for believing that we could ever be together.

"What?"

"Forget it, Yuugi."

"...Okay." He shuffles his feet. "So – "

"You're leaving him."

Yuugi sighs at my announcement. "Atem – "

"Yuugi."

Without meaning to, I reach out for him.

I encircle his waist with my arms.

I press him against my chest.

I kiss the top of his head.

I smell his hair and breathe him in like a drug.

My drug.

"If you don't leave him," I say quietly, "then I won't be able to stop myself."

I look up into his beautiful eyes.

And I can't stop the next words that flow from my lips.

"If I ever see you like this again..."

I touch his chest and brush my fingers over the black bruise below his collarbone.

"...I'll kill him."

* * *

Reviews are fantastic.


	4. Drowning

Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

******Undertow**

* * *

_So why am I confused if you love me? I thought this would be smooth sailing._

"My heart's in your hands," I had told her. "Don't you go hurt me again."

But even as she nodded and voiced her promise, I knew not to believe her.

Because, in the end, I was just going to force her away, anyways.

* * *

----

* * *

She hasn't seen me yet.

Neither has he.

I manage a tiny smile when she laughs.

I haven't heard her laugh in days.

I haven't seen her smile in weeks.

I haven't seen her this happy in forever.

She looks beautiful.

She looks like she did when I first met her.

For the longest time, I've felt like I've been drowning.

Sinking in a freezing pool of my own self-pity.

And I guess, somewhere along the line, I pulled her down with me.

She doesn't deserve that, though.

She doesn't deserve any of this.

And, as I stand at the door frame to the living room, watching them, I come to the only conclusion my mind can fathom.

"Atem?"

I have to let her go.

"Atem?" she says again, and my eyes home in on her horrified ones.

"It's okay," I say quietly, and I give her a small smile to reassure her that what I say is the truth. "I understand."

I glance from her to him, then turn away from both of them.

Without hesitating, I trudge up the stairs and into our bedroom.

Then I take out one of the suitcases from the closet and put it on our bed, just as she walks in.

She stands by the doorway, watching me as I empty out my half of the bureau.

I fill the suitcase with my clothes, shoes, accessories, and a few miscellaneous things.

I make sure I'm really ready to walk out this time and never come back.

And when I find the answer in the depths of my heart, I take one last glance around the room.

It looks almost as if I never even existed.

"Atem," she whispers as I zip the suitcase close. "I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you when you got home. I...I just..." She sighs. "I wasn't expecting you home so early..."

I had never considered this my home.

But she doesn't need to know that.

"I'm the one who needs to apologize," I say, looking at her. "Not you."

"Wha -- ?"

"I'm sorry that I led you on," I interrupt her. "I'm sorry that I kept you from being happy."

She stays quiet.

So, I continue.

"I know I forced you to this…If I had been a better boyfriend, then you wouldn't have needed to find other people to make you happy."

I take a deep breath.

And listen as the walls I had built around me begin to crumble.

It's deafening.

"I'm glad you found someone though. I'm glad you're..." I look down at the floor and can't ignore the sting of jealousy that pricks me, "...happy."

Tears are already in her eyes by the time she latches onto me, and she cries and cries until she runs out of tears.

"You'll be happy, too, Atem," she murmurs into my shirt. "I know you will."

I nod, even though I don't believe her.

I nod, because I don't have the heart to tell her the truth.

I'll never be happy.

Because without Yuugi, happiness is nothing but a dream to me.

"Keep in touch, Anzu," I say, pulling away from her after a few more minutes. "If you ever need me, I'm just a call away."

"Thank you, Atem," she whispers, touching the crown of my forehead. "You'll always have a special place in my heart."

"I know," I say, as she lowers her hand to the center of my chest. "You will, too."

She gazes up at me with teary eyes.

"Goodbye, Atem."

I smile back at her sadly.

"Goodbye, Anzu."

Without another word, I walk out, and I leave her standing in the middle of our room.

Except it's not our room anymore.

It's hers.

"Atem, wait," she calls after me, following me out into the hallway.

I twist my head over my shoulder to look at her.

"Yuugi loves you," she tells me suddenly, "as much as you love him. I saw it in his eyes the day you introduced us, the way he looked at you...I just know he loves you."

_Don't lie to me_, I want to say.

But I don't.

In fact, I don't say anything at all.

I just turn back around and head down the stairs.

I knew this day was coming, so the pain in my heart when I close the front door behind me isn't too hard to bear.

I was planning to leave her anyways.

I had just hoped that when the time came that I did leave, I would've already gathered the courage I needed to tell Yuugi how I truly felt about him.

I guess I was wrong.

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Reviews? Please (:


	5. Suffocate

Look out for the third and final installment of the Symphony Series "Marching On." Enjoy!

* * *

**Undertow**

* * *

_Cause I don't wanna let you go, but we're caught in the undertow. _

I trudge my way through the pouring rain.

And with each drop that hits the pavement, I feel like I'm suffocating.

And the water's rising.

* * *

_Cause I am losing my control..._

Yuugi called me and told me to meet him at his apartment at 10:00 o'clock tonight.

I didn't mention what had happened with Anzu.

I didn't tell him that I had left her.

I didn't say a word.

Because I wanted to tell him in person.

I wanted to confess everything while looking into his eyes.

While kissing his lips and touching his skin.

I wanted the moment that I told him how I felt to be surreal.

I only hoped that he was ready and accepting and willing to take everything I had to offer.

And, if what Anzu had said was true, maybe even give me some of his heart in return.

.~.

I got to the apartment around 8:30 P.M.

I know I was early, but it was pouring and I was already drenched.

Besides, I knew Yuugi wouldn't mind.

When I get to his door, I knock as quietly as I can, just in case I was interrupting his studying.

Or worst.

A date.

But after two minutes without a response, I decide to knock a little harder.

Another minute passes, and I wiggle to doorknob to see if it's open.

And to my surprise, it is.

I slowly creep the door open and call out for Yuugi.

When I don't hear anything, I walk in and close the door behind me.

I look around for any sign that Yuugi is here, but everything's spotless.

Cleaner than usual even.

I check the bedroom and the bathroom, and still nothing.

I finally come to the conclusion that he must be out, when something on his desk catches my eye.

A letter, already open, lays perfectly in the center.

It ominously begs for me to read it.

And I can't help but walk closer to it.

I intake a deep breath when I see my name at the top.

But it's obviously meant for me, so I grab it and hold it in my hands.

The words on the paper seem to float off as I read them, and they manage to wrap themselves around my throat.

_I love you_, it says, and I re-read my name at the top just to make sure its really for me.

_I always have._

I feel my heart pounding, hard enough that my chest begins to shake.

_But..._

And then I freeze.

_I know you could never love me._

_Please don't hate me._

_I couldn't live if you did._

_In fact, I can't live at all._

_Because without you, life is pointless._

_And I can never escape the abuse..._

_It's my fault, anyways. _

_If I had been stronger, then he wouldn't be doing this to me. _

_If I was stronger, then I wouldn't let him. _

_You shouldn't have to pick up the pieces, Atem._

_And so this is the last time you'll ever have to pick up my mess._

_I know you'll be hurt, but you'll move on and you finally won't have me weighing you down._

_Goodbye Atem._

_Forever yours..._

_Yuugi._

_.~.  
_

It's hard to breathe or comprehend anything.

But the next thing I know is that I'm outside in the rain again.

Stumbling and staggering at each corner.

Running so fast I can't decipher street signs or traffic lights.

Horns blast in my ears as I run into an intesection, but the fact that I a car came so close to me that I felt the license graze my leg doesn't stop me in my movements for even a second.

In fact, the only thing I can see is the gray house that sits at the very corner of the street I'm currently dashing down.

After what seems like hours, I finally get to the door, and I consider breaking it down.

But instead I hesitate, catch my breath, and look down at my watch.

It's 9:01.

I've already called Yuugi over a hundred times on his cell.

But what if he's not here?

What if he went somewhere else?

What if I'm wrong about this and he just ran away?

What if this was all just a dream?

Or a nightmare?

I don't have the chance to second-guess myself again, for the door in front of me opens and Yuugi stands there, still as stone.

For a moment, he just watches me, not sure if I'm really there, just like I'm not sure if he's really there.

But then he accepts the impossible and searches my eyes frantically, looking for some clue as to why I'm here.

Then he glances down at his letter crumbled tightly in my grasp.

And he knows.

"Where. Is. He?"

Yuugi takes a step back into the house at the way my teeth ground together.

And, without hesitating, I follow him in.

"Atem, leave before - "

"No."

Yuugi's hands are on my chest, but it's already too late.

He'll pay for what he's done to you, Yuugi.

I promise you.

I'll make him pay.

"Atem, please. Get out, before he hears you. I'll die if you get hurt because of me."

Suddenly I'm shaking, and I don't why.

But then I realize that it's not me.

It's Yuugi.

He's crying in my arms, begging for me to leave.

So for the first time, I do what I should have done long ago.

I cup his chin in my hands and kiss him.

I press against his lips so hard that it hurts, but at the same time feels so damn good.

I feel the life that I never had a chance to truly live fill me from head to toe.

I feel the air in my lungs replenish, and suddenly it's so much easier to breathe.

I feel my heart beat in my chest, and it's like my pulse has a sound again.

Everything is real to me.

This is real.

Finally.

"I really hate to break this up," a voice from behind us hisses.

But now it just became too real.

I break the kiss with Yuugi and press my face against his cheek.

"Yuugi," I whisper against him. "Leave. Now."

"No," he murmurs back, and I tighten my hold on him as he begins to shake again - but this time, it's from utter fear. "I'm not leaving you."

"Don't argue with me. Go to your apartment. I'll meet you there soon," I say quietly.

Yuugi shakes his head, tears still in his eyes. "No. I'm staying with you."

"Yeah, Atem." I clench my teeth when Yuugi's boyfriend says my name. "Yuugi's gonna wanna be here for this. Trust me."

And then I hear the click of a gun.

* * *

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